And I'll Be Missing You

It's hard missing someone that doesn't miss you. Even though you try to think positively and think about the good times with that person its hard to block out those thoughts that haunt you saying that that person doesn't think about you. My mind tends to go to "You're just another girl to him." "He doesn't sit up at night thinking about you." "Who are you kidding... why would you ever think they could like you back?". These are the thoughts that come at night... well actually they randomly come, but it's mostly at night when I think the most negatively. It's difficult to realize that at this time in your life, the negative thoughts are stronger then the positive ones. I know I can think 50 positive thoughts and just 1 negative one can ruin my whole night. Thats what happen tonight. I kept telling myself that if he doesn't miss me then I'm worth more then that. I can do better. I don't have to adore a person that doesn't feel the same for me and that I'm going to be okay without that person... those thoughts only worked for so long because then the silence came. I became lonely and I started to think about that person again. I felt stupid for liking a person I had no chance with. I looked back on our conversations and hated everything I said. My thoughts were "He's just being nice." "He so knows I like him and he just feels bad."

There is this girl that I know and she liked this guy, but it didn't end up working out... (story of my life), but anyways I talked to her about it she was completely over it. She told me she knew she deserved better and named reasons why he didn't deserve her anyways. Now... I didn't completely agree with the way she felt she was better then that person, but I admired her confidence. I don't have that. At all. When I like a person and they end up not liking me back I ultimately think of why they are so much better then me... actually I think about why people are better then me all the time. Doesn't matter what relation we have. I want the confidence that she has. It was inspiring.

Every night at 11:11 I wished for this person to like me back. Speaking of 11:11 it is coming up in 3 min.... be sure to make your wish<3 Anyways I realized that that was the wrong wish. Not that I really believe that I certain time of the day is going to make someone fall in love with me, but just in case it is something that over time does work, I started wishing that at that time he would think of me. Just a simple thought. Nothing is wrong with that. Maybe if each day he thinks of me once.. well then I guess that is good enough for me. Maybe over time he will think of me twice a day. I don't know. My wishes don't usually come true. Not my 11:11 ones at least, but I have a certain feeling about this wish. It's special and thats why I'm not letting go. Not yet. It's not over yet.

To wrap this up, I just wanted to say.. it's hurtful to think all day about someone who doesn't think about you at all.. especially when you know it, but there is a reason you think about that person. There is always a reason. You might not end up together, but that person is changing your life whether you like the way they are changing it or not. You are changed forever. Don't give up on that person. You never know when they will come throught and try to think of the good times with that person... don't look into every detail of every word you said. Overthinking is curse that you can control if you really want to. Remember that.